I don’t usually classify myself as a romantic until a moment happens in ‘PERFECT’ synchronicity & serendipity. Then I REALLY value it and hold on to it like it’s ABSOLUTE destiny and fate. Written in the stars! But does this even mean anything or is it just coincidence?

At the beginning of last year, I met a man online, which resulted in us meeting in face to face exactly two weeks later. on the third day of us speaking over text I felt like I loved him and would end up marrying him. I felt so lucky to have met a Christian online after struggling to meet one for years. Christian men are quite rare to find because they usually get married young in the church. & Because it’s so rare for me to date, I feel like when I meet someone that I actually get along with I tend to expect ‘too much’ from them. That escalated quickly right?

The reason I placed so much value on that experience was because I had not dated much before. In fact, that very same week, I cancelled a date I had with someone else just because of him. I put ALL my eggs in one basket. I don’t have many regrets about that, but I do wish I hadn’t been so fast to cut down my options. Now I see the journey as just as important as the end result and even if I hadn’t ended up with him, I would have still valued the lessons learnt. I learnt not to be so focussed on marrying a man as soon as I meet him. It puts pressure on him as well as myself. Dating should be fun and not stressful.

Before I had dated anyone I would expect so much from a man, not realising men need help too. Something I try to keep in mind is ‘Marriage is Teamwork’. I learnt this through living through the exact opposite. I grew up in a home where the woman did everything and carried an extremely important mandate on her life. In the home I grew up in, a woman must be switched on at all times, otherwise, she won’t be covered. So my views swayed from one extreme of being a ‘Strong Independent Woman’ who needs to and must do everything herself, to expecting a ‘Knight in shining armour’ who does everything. There was no balance until I actually dated. I value this lesson immensely. Expectations must be realistic and balanced.

3) Communication is vital

It got to a point in this ‘encounter’[aka relationship] where I just completely switched off. To any compliments, hints of feelings, anything. Things would go in one ear and out the other. Straight over my head. Now when I look back at conversations I realised I could have dived a bit deeper into those hints.

I felt I needed a man to tell me CLEARLY and EXPLICITLY if he had feelings for me and exactly what he wants, otherwise, his hints and innuendos wouldn’t work. Usually, it’s the other way round right? Well, I know. Throughout all this, I kept telling myself “I don’t like jumping to conclusions”, “I don’t want to put ideas in his head”, “I don’t want to be the chaser otherwise I will be chasing him for the rest of my life”. I could have clearly established what I DID want and communicated that. I’ve learnt how important it is to express thoughts and feelings.

Speaking up is about communication, self-growth and understanding. Sometimes you may not get the result you want but, as long as you are willing to learn and communicate and along the way, it will benefit you next time you meet someone you like. There’s a reason why the saying ‘practice makes perfect’ is so well known.

A particular book was mentioned to me some time ago. It took me some time to get to, but when I finally checked it out, my perspective on dating completely changed. I used to think you were supposed to date with the intention of marriage but, this book ‘How to get a date worth keeping‘ by Dr. Henry Cloud showed me otherwise.

I did a quick poll on twitter and these were the results.

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33% No way

50% Sure why not

17% If they don’t mislead

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I believe the people who responded were also Christians, so that gives you some insight as to where the answers were coming from. The majority answered ‘sure why not’.

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I’ve learnt when you desire marriage it’s important to value the journey, be realistic and communicate. If you struggle to communicate, PRACTICE and keep striving to do and be better, so the ‘next time’ is always better.

Have you ever thought the first man you met/liked/were fond of was going to be your husband? Leave your comments below.

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Until the next post!